The Joys of Awkwardness

Every guy has had it done, and will continue to do it until he dies. So long as he has a job, yearly (or routine) health physicals must be conducted. And I know every man HAS to dread it. Not only do you have to sit there for 30 minutes filling out paper work, then sit around and wait for another 15-20 minutes, then get your blood drawn, ekg, and so on. Of course the moment every straight man can't stand is when the doctor checks for a hernia. "Ok, I need you to drop your pants, and turn your head and cough" echo's in our pain-staking mind as he violates you. And I don't care if you're Mr. Long-Dong Won, your respective "piece" sucks up back inside you like an innie belly button...cause if it doesn't, then you must be swinging the bat in the other direction if you know what I mean. Anyhow, it just really sucks. Even though it's only for medical reasons, there's nothing in the world that makes a man feel so uncomfortable when another man has to examine your "junk." But, fortunately (unless you have a problem) he's never long down there. Now, if you're lucky like one of my good friends, he managed to have a female doctor do the deeds. Apparently, the female doctor had another female intern (supposedly both Dr. and intern were lookin fairly good) in the room observing the proper procedures. Which in his case, he popped some semi-wood to "impress" the ladies...not on purpose of course; so he says. Ahhh, the joys of getting old! Isn' there a better way???

Thanks for nothing Hallmark...

So my wife asks me the other day when Easter is. My reply to her not only got me an evil eye, but a smart-ass response. So, I began going on a tangent asking her if she even knew what the reasoning behind Easter is. Dead silence. I laughed and said, "See, I guarantee over half of America couldn't even answer that." It's unfortunate that today's consumerism has corrupted every damn holiday. Let me explain...

1)New Years-Party hats, favors, Leis, beads, horns, etc.
2)Valentine's-Fruity Cards, Teddy Bears, Lingerie, flowers, etc.
3)St. Patricks-Anything green, alcohol, shamrocks (and all of a sudden, everyone's Irish)
4)Easter-Chocolate rabbits, eggs, gifts, etc.
5)Independence Day-Fireworks, (even though everyone all of a sudden becomes patriotic [which is good] but only lasts for a day) Flags
6)Halloween-costumes, candy, candy, and more candy, retarded ass decorations you wonder later why the hell you bought, etc
7)Thanksgiving-Probably the only legitimate holiday since it's not usually blown out of proportion (i.e. little decorations, no gifts)
8)Christmas-Do I even need to explain?

So you get the point, right? It seems like there is some sort of "theme" to every holiday...why is that? Who do we blame? Hallmark? Wal-Mart? The flower shops? It seems the basic principles of the given holiday has been lost. Here's my take on the conspiracy...

Unjustified:
-New Years, and St. Patrick's are 2 days that make it acceptable to get shit-faced drunk and party.
-Valentine's and Halloween are 2 bullshit "filler" holidays to make profit.
-Easter and Christmas are probably the worst holidays mainly because the focus has been completely taken away from the reasoning of the holiday in the first place. Chistmas (as far as I know) is suppose to be a day celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Yet, it somehow was lost into a worship of a chubby bastard in a red spandex suit who flies over our roof tops and delivers presents...only after eating cookies and washing them down with milk. And Easter, suppose to be the celebration of Jesus' death, and the resurrection. Again, its misdirected worship turns to a bunny suit wearing cheese dick that little kids get their picture taken with, and these little crumb snatchers get fueled up and stoned on chocolate and anything else that's laced with sugar.
Justified:
Independence seems genuine enough that it's acceptable. American's celebrating our many generations of freedom and paying respect to the flag. I just wish it happened everyday, not once a year. And who can turn down a true celebration without some big bang!
Thanksgiving is probably the one (and only) true holiday left. Getting together with your family, and sharing a great feast. No gimmicks included. Just family, friends, and food...topped off with some football.

Ok, now that I've given my examples, I want to be sure to disclose that I'm not some hate-filled anti-holiday scrooge. I have two kids, and I see the other side of all the holidays. You have to make it entertaining for them aswell. But when is it enough? When is it TOO much? Also, I'll advise that I'm no where near a religous person...not to say I don't believe in God either. But commercialism has raped today's society. I wish things were simple, like they once were, that's all.

Penny sucking leeches!

You may, or may not know this already, but this is something easily looked over. The other night, I thought it would be nice if my daughter and I would go out for a bite to eat at McDonald's. The main reason I decided to go there, was because of the Shamrock Shakes they usually have at this time of year...which they surprisingly didn't have them only being a week after St. Patricks Day. Anyhow, we had a nice, quiet dinner and my wife calls up and asked if they had chicken noodle soup. My son was sick, and since I was already there to get it nice and warmed, she asked me to grab some. No big deal, right? Well, I walk to the counter and ask if they had any, which they did. She goes and gets it, and rings it up...$2.08. And that was for a small. I get back home and drop it off to my wife, and just as I pass it to her, I drop the receipt. After the exchange, I picked up the receipt and looked at it. Not that I was really pissed about this, but there was a .12 cent surcharge for a "dining in." First of all, I did ask her for a take out bag of chicken noodle soup, but that's not so much an issue. I began to think about this, and wondered how many people each day go in and get items to go, and get that surcharge. The amount of money they "steal" has got to add up to a lot of money. Figure, 15 million customers a day, times .12 cents? That's $1,800,000!! A DAY!!! And that's just McDonalds! Take in consideration of all the other fast food chains. Well, I never thought I would be such a cheap ass to look at my receipt to ensure a insignificant .12 cent surcharge is added, but I think from now on I will. Just for the principle of not giving that .12 cents to them. It's not like I even eat out that much to begin with, but can you believe how much profit is made in one day from rediculous charges like a "dining in" surcharge? Unreal...

~I'm back!~

Once was lost, but now is found! It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm not sure how often I am able to. I'll shoot for a bi-weekly post. Anyhow, I'm back from the grave, and hopefully will be putting my 2 cents of opinion into everyday society. Stand by for more...