Personal Tug of War

Sure there are millions of decisions we all make each day. Some are for the good, and some are for the bad. But what about career changing decisions? Now, granted my decision isn't necessarily a career changing, but it's about as close as you can get. I'm talking about my career in the Air Force Reserves. I just reached my 10 year mark about 2 months ago, and I've pretty much made my decision to stick it out for another 10, and retire. Now, just in case you didn't know, I'm a firefighter both civilian side, and reserve side, and have been for all 10 years of service. I love my job, and would never trade it for the world...civilian side. Now, reserve side, I'm weighing my options about what I should do, because to be honest, I don't think I can take much more the of B.S. anymore. It used to be fun, it used to be educational. Not the case anymore. So I begin thinking, maybe I'm just burning myself out with all this firefighting. Maybe I need to learn another trade to kinda balance myself out. And lets face it, learning another trade is nothing but beneficial to anyone. As far as my options? Well, there are a few jobs that I'm real interested in that have vacancies. Public Affairs(PA) being one. I want to learn more about photography, and I like writing stories...could you tell? I'm not necessarily good at it, mainly because I'm not exactly "politically correct." You see, my bluntness hurts me in that department. Another job prospective is a Historian. I love, LOVE history, but this job will only be base specific and it's one of those jobs that aren't in the spot light(which is ok by me). Another catch is I'll never make more than E-7 (more than likely). And the last job I'm seriously interested about is one that I found out about today. It's called Readiness. It's kinda like being a firefighter, but not. Did I lose you? Well, from what I understand they are closely related, but I don't have to put on all the gear that military (Air Force) firefighters have to put on. They respond to HazMat incidents, and in war time scenarios, they check for damage, UXO's, chemicals in the air, etc. It seems like a pretty good deal, and the more I think about it, the more I wouldn't mind persuing it. BUT, here's the catch. Will I let my guilt and pride get in the way of perhaps bettering myself? What I mean by this, I'm proud to wear the Fire Protection badge on my uniform. I worked my tail off getting to the point I'm at now. I tend to think that I'll feel guilt after (and if) I leave the fire service...but technically I'm not leaving it since I do it civilian side. Just as the title of this post says, I'm really in a personal tug of war. It's been on my mind for about 3 years now...actually 4 if you count when I was active duty. Is it time for me to just swallow my pride, and move on? Hundreds, if not thousands have already and are completely glad they moved away from the fire service. But is it for me? I guess I could argue with myself endlessly. Do I want to??? What do you think. I got better things to do than sit and ponder what to do. I suppose I should make out a "Pro's/Con's" sheet, and decide from there. But, I think I should follow my heart on this one. The only thing I can really say now, is stay tuned...(to be continued).